The Fall and Restoration of Bucky Barnes

     It's probably a reflection of my nerdy Christian/English major tendencies that one of the things that I like to do for fun is look for Christian themes and symbols in the movies and TV I watch. The fun part for me is that I'm sure in almost every case, the symbols are not intentional, and yet they're there and it can be amazing how well they match up with Christian beliefs. Once I saw how often they show up, mostly in the presence of a Christ figure, I look at it like a puzzle, matching the characters in relation to one another to certain figures and ideas. And so, when I saw Marvel's latest installment, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, I was bound to look for and maybe find something. After watching the movie with my family, I went to my cashier job, and during one of the more boring parts of my day when my mind was free to wander, I found some interesting things.  

 

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen the second Captain America and you don't want to know what happens, don't read anymore. Or go watch it, and then come and read.

 

     First and foremost, one of the things I learned in a class I had in college is that if it's a superhero movie, that superhero is symbolically bound to be a Christ figure. And so right away, Captain America, Steve Rogers, is our Christ figure. What do I mean by Christ figure? A Christ figure, as far as my short definition goes, stands in for Christ because the character has qualities or does things that are like Christ in one or a combination of ways. Usually it involves a character's sacrifice of themselves, a character's superhuman qualities, or a character's destiny to save others from harm. Steve Rogers hits all these marks. And as he became the Christ figure in my mind, his relationship to Bucky Barnes, revealed to be the Winter Soldier, became symbolic of greater things. So if you're in for a ride, here's how I see it: Steve Rogers is Christ/God, and Bucky Barnes is us, and their realtionship to each other can represent humanity's fall into sin, and Christ's sacrifice in order to bring us back to having a relationship with him.

     Steve and Bucky were best friends until Bucky fell off a train in the first Captain America installment and was believed to be dead. After this fall, the real villains of the movie, HYDRA, found him nearly dead and experimented on him turning him into their personal fighting machine and fried his brain to where he can't remember who he used to be. In a confrontation with the infamous Winter Soldier, Steve is shocked to see that it's Bucky and saddened by the fact that his closest friend is now one of his greatest enemies. He knows that it may come down to him needing to kill Bucky and he's not sure that he can do that. He does end up fighting him in order to get the targets off the 7 million people that HYDRA wants to sacrifice for the complete control it desires and he succeeds. In the process though, Steve does something that shakes Bucky to the core. As the Helicarrier is about to crash, Steve tells Bucky that he's not going to fight him, and tells him, as Bucky had told him years earlier, that he's with him 'til the end. Steve's actions stir Bucky so much so that while nothing is clear to him yet, he rescues Steve out of the Potomac River after they crash, and then disappears.

     Maybe you can already see where I'm going with this, but to explain, just as Bucky had a close relationship with Steve, our Christ figure, before the fall off the train severed their friendship, humanity's fall into sin separated us from closeness with God, closeness that is seen in Adam's relationship with God in the Garden of Eden before sin entered the picture. And just as Bucky's mind was reprogrammed and corrupted to where he fought against everything he stood for before and forgot who he was, sin corrupts the design God had in mind for us and further separates us from him. Steve longs for Bucky to remember who he is even as Bucky fights against him as the Winter Soldier. Christ desires to have a relationship with us even as we work against him and what he stands for, and don't recognize or acknowledge him. What is it about Christ that surprises people and shows God's love for us? What is it that stirs us? Sacrifice. And it's Steve Rogers's sacrifice of himself, the shocking proposition that in the face of death, he's not going to fight Bucky in honor of their friendship that is unsettling to Bucky in the best way. Why would anyone do such a thing except for love? At the end of the film, Steve tells Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, that he's going after Bucky. He's determined for Bucky to remember who he used to be. To continue the symbolism, Christ not only sacrificed himself for us, he continues to pursue us. He doesn't expect the sacrifice in and of itself to restore the relationship. It opened the doors for the full restoration of the relationship and of ourselves that is to come.

     I stayed though the credits figuring that like the other movies, this one would have one last scene. Indeed it did, and it was of a guy with the hood of his black sweatshirt  up over his head looking at the Captain America exhibit in the Smithsonian Museum shown earlier in the film. From a new angle, we see that it's Bucky, trying to remember who he is as he puts the pieces of his old life back together. And so I was thinking about what the story arc of the three Captain America movies will be together as there is sure to be a third. We know that Steve is going to look for Bucky and that his sacrifice planted a seed in Bucky's mind that has made him curious about his past. While there are heros and villains, and Steve Rogers's adjustment to modernity, and the whole world in harm's way, the main arc of the story seems to be one that I believe is very much like each of our own stories, the fall and restoration of Bucky Barnes.

Sitting in the Dark

(I wrote this on September 12, 2013. Because this is a reflection of how I felt as I was writing, I felt odd editing it, because even a short amount a time produces different feelings, however subtle, than what's here. I wanted to keep the integrity of what I wrote, so the changes have been minor. I also changed the title.)

 

     Right now I'm in the middle of troubling times in my life. I have tried to keep my eyes open to what God might be doing to reverse them and to what he has wanted me to learn from this downward trajectory. I have tried to find patterns in how it will all work out, why it is happening, and what issues God is trying to have me work through. In short, I have tried to find meaning in my problems. I have hoped that there is some purpose in them. But the more they go on, the harder it is for me to find meaning.

     Not all the meaning is gone. There have been several moments during this time where God has revealed, or made clearer truths that I've needed to face about myself. I see where he has been rooting out the ugly in me, and where he has been freeing me from deception in how I see him, and how I see myself. There have been more occasions during this time where my family has experienced the presence of God, in one way or another, than we have had in a long time. 

     But now as the troubles continue, and as it has become harder to live out the truths that have been revealed to me, it's become very easy for me to feel discouraged and even, let down by God. I thought that the inner changes would correspond to outward changes. I thought I saw how God was moving in my life. I thought, to be blunt, that my faith would pay off. I thought that all this growth would be rewarded with my deliverance from my problems, but it hasn't. They keep going, and I don't  see, borrowing a great surprise, anything changing soon. 

     Instead I feel as if I was just trying to read the tea leaves. Rather than God ordained revelation, I feel like I possibly saw signs that weren't there, and created narratives for my life that didn't exist. As my problems have extended past my own predicted due dates, I feel like I was wrong, and I am tempted to say that there was no meaning in them at all, because that's how it feels. I feel like life has just happened to me, and there is no greater purpose in it. 

     But I know better than that. It's not as if my family hasn't ever sensed God's being with us during this period. And even more, I must hang on to the promise that everything works out for good for those who love God (although my mind is tempted to wonder if there's a theological or exegetical loophole to that). I must hang on to the belief that God is sovereign. 

     One of the biggest strongholds in my life is the temptation to doubt God's goodness and his love for me. Putting it straightforward like that sounds odd, because I wouldn't deny it in a straightforward manner. But I have realized (especially during this period) that the way I think about God and interact with him implies such beliefs. So right now, when I have a hard time seeing any meaning in my situation, I feel like God's just letting things happen to me. I don't feel like he has a hold of my life. I feel like he's not involved. I have a hard time trusting him. Part of me doubts that he has my best interest at heart. 

     I have to believe that even when things don't make sense, he does, in fact, have my best interest at heart. Maybe my attempts to find meaning are a way of trying to keep control over my life. Maybe what I feel God to be doing is just taking longer than I thought. 

     The platitudes go off in my head: "let go and let God," "God's timing is not our timing." That's all well and good, but sitting in the middle of all this, it is harder than I thought to live out what I said I believed about God. I thought I had passed the test. I thought I had passed and I was about to come out of this mess. That's how I saw it. Instead, I am being put to an even greater test, one where I can't read the tea leaves and see the resolution. I sit in the dark, and wait on God.